


A Shadow of A Doubt

by soldier_of_ice



Category: Black Butler, Kuroshitsuji, Sebastian Michaelis - Fandom, xReader - Fandom
Genre: Drama, F/M, Literature, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 07:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12405723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldier_of_ice/pseuds/soldier_of_ice
Summary: "To love a demon is to condemn yourself to a fate more painful than any which you will ever experience."You knew he would never love you back, but for some reason, that doesn't bother you as much as it should have.





	A Shadow of A Doubt

Water. Light. The icy touch of a cold wind dragged its fingers along the arm of a young girl whose still form bore no sign of life save for her faint breathing, leaving faint chills in its wake as her eyes flickered and a breath caught in her throat.

"Ah, Young Mistress, you're awake."

A voice, dark and deadly in its gentle caress of her title. Her fleeting title dreamt up by a world in which nothing lasted forever, not even immortality. Her eyes fluttered again, and opened. Where was she? Was she dead? Death would certainly be a relief, but she knew it was too kind of a gift for her. No, she was destined for a worse fate.

"You are not dead, Lady Y/N. Not yet."

Him. Her butler. Her servant. Her. . .demon? No, he was no one's truly. He had merely become hers for a short period spanning the length of time in which her darkest wishes had been violently, carefully fulfilled.

The gentle motion of the boat was stopped by a quiet nudge of the shore on which she assumed they had come to rest. She was so exhausted, the tiredness she carried a cold so deep it rested in her very bones, in the very soul she had come to lose here. Even the sunlight seemed to dim in her presence as though nature itself knew of the darkness she had conjured to meet her own needs, losing what should have been the most precious of all to her in the process.

"Sebastian."

It was not a question, not so much even a statement, for the word, the name for the nameless being in front of her, did not even stir the pale air. She did not see his response, but she felt the half-smile, so dark in its expression, so victorious, curving at his lips.

"We are here, my lady."

______________

_"No! Please no!"_

_Her screams echoed throughout the darkened room, falling on the deaf ears of the white-cloaked cult that had stolen everything from her. She could feel the heat, the burning presence of the mark they were to lay on her, and her screams heightened to no avail._

_Tears streamed down her face, freely mixing with her crimson blood as they fell, entwined irreversibly, to the stainless floor. There could only be one way out, even as the chantings overtook her screams--_

_And then there was silence. She was no longer in that filthy, horror-filled room, but instead in a world that seemed between worlds. White feathers came like rain from the sky in a twirling torrent against the monochrome grey that surrounded her like walls. She was suspended in midair precariously, and it felt much too like the controlled doll she played the role of for that cult. Out of the corner of her eyes, a black movement flickered and then--_

_"What do you seek here, human?"_

_"I-- Where am I?"_

_"A realm where no mortal reigns. You have summoned me, young human. Tell me, what do you seek?"_

_"How did I get here? Who are you?"_

_"I am one who can give you everything you want -- for a price. Should you choose this, there will be no turning back."_

_A way out. An offer. He could rescue her, save her, help her, and for what? A price? What could be too high a price to pay for this? If this was what she thought it might be, he would claim her soul. Most would recoil at the mere thought, at this land of feathers and darkness where nothing seemed real, but then. . . Then they weren't as desperate._

_As for her soul, what did she care for it? It was tainted, forever defiled, and she had no use for it. After her desires were fulfilled, she would have no reason to carry on._

_"Do you wish to form a contract with me?"_

_Yes. Without his help, she would be nothing, remaining forever in a life of pain and slavery she had no wish to continue. "I do."_

_A dark chuckle answered her, before the voice purred, "Think carefully. Should you reject the faith, even this once, the gates of paradise will be forever out of your reach."_

_She could see the dark form in the distance, waiting. Watching. "Do you think, demon, one who was among the faith who ever go so far as to summon someone like you?"_

_A dark laughter followed on the heels of her words, mocking and victorious all at the same time. It chilled her to hear, but she showed no sign of it. If she showed weakness, he would strike. "I'll ask but once more. Do you wish to form a contract with me?"_

_"You already know my answer. Do you think that you would still be here if I did not want your service?"_

_More dark laughter followed, and suddenly, the white feathers flew upwards, painting themselves a darkening grey then black._

______________

Everything here was muted. She had risen to a sitting position, and did not move as he gently lifted her up. His footsteps patterned the overwhelming silence that lay like a blanket over the island, and her eyes flickered up to him. 

He sensed her gaze and his red eyes met hers. His smirk curled his lips, and she knew that he knew her thoughts inside and out. Of course he did. He may have been contracted, but he was free to read her thoughts as he pleased, and she knew he did it regularly. His smirk said it all, and while she would have once blushed at her thoughts, she could no longer do so.

It was all at the end anyway. There was no point to petty mortal emotions such as embarrassment and shyness now, not in the face of her dark fate. 

Some emotions were necessary, such as the rage and hatred that had sealed her fate and gave her life a new meaning. It was emotions such as these that had found her in the arms of the demon to kill her, but it was these emotions that satisfied her, because she knew her revenge had not been noble and was not justice. It was simply personal and a desire that she had fulfilled for herself and no one else. Other emotions, however, were useless, such as love and happiness. What had happiness ever done for her? Or love?

Except, now, at the moment she was to lose everything, she still had one thing.

Her parents used to take her to church, and on the only Sunday she really remembered, the priest had announced, spreading his arms in a hug, that love would always prevail, no matter what. After her contract, she had pushed away such beliefs, holding herself in the knowledge that only hatred and rage would get anything done. She had rebuffed hundreds of noble suitors, had discarded the thought of ever finding a match, and saw love as an obstacle. Her secret fear had always gotten in her way, a fear so deep she hid it even from the demon sworn to protect and serve her. She feared not being able to find love, so she rejected love instead.

And besides, even if she ever did find a match, she would be snatched away by the demon whose arms currently encircled her. No, she had done everything to push love away, and to prevent breaking someone's heart who didn't deserve it.

But did that mean she deserved it if her own heart broke, then?

______________

_She wasn't sure when she had realized it, but now, sitting alone in her study with her organized work spread out before her, she hesitated. Perhaps this was a phase, but then, Y/N Phantomhive was never one to delude herself._

_No, this wasn't a phase. It was much more than that. Something so dark, so unforgivable, she knew she could never even so much as whisper about it, not even to Lizzie, her only -- her best -- friend. Should he ever find out about it, she would never hear the end of it, and he would have another weapon to use against her. Not that he would do so, but the less things to use against her had, the better._

_"Lady Y/N?"_

_His voice sounded from the hall, and she called back to let him in, turning so her chair faced the window. The door clicked open softly and he stepped in, announcing her tea and snacks. She waved a hand absently for him to leave it, her gaze focused on the torrential rain outside that ran down the window like tears._

_"Is something wrong, Young Mistress?"_

_His question was not innocent, and it was a little too direct. Of course he knew. He was a demon, he would have known it long before she knew it herself._

_"You may go, Sebastian."_

_Her answer was clipped, and she would tolerate no prying into her deeply personal matters. There were some things demons would never understand which you could never share with them, and this was one of those things. No, this was a matter only she could take care of._

_If only one could forget love._

_"As you wish, Young Mistress."_

_His red eyes glinted in devilish amusement as he retraced his steps out of the room._

_Foolish girl._

_Didn't she know that demons did not love? Of course she did, and that was why she hid her love for him._

_He nearly laughed, his eyes glowing brightly as he allowed himself the thought of her soul, a pure, rare thing waiting only for him. He would never love her back, but it was quite amusing to watch her realize that and suffer silently._

______________

He set the girl on the cold stone bench, and she leaned back, not bothering to keep her eyes open in her numbing exhaustion. 

So this was it. This was how it was to end, on a deserted island with the demon she had fallen for against her will. Ironic, really, given that her life had been full of human boys and men who had loved and lusted after her unrequitedly that she had turned down and ignored. Now here she was, breaking her own heart as she prepared to die. It was almost pathetic, really.

She could sense him nearby, eagerly preparing for his meal. He had drawn back from her, vanishing into the mist she now felt kissing her skin with the faintest cold promise of death.

"Sebastian?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but he heard it all the same. Ironically, she was now the powerless and he the powerful.

"Yes, Mistress?" Her title was nothing but a mockery of her pathetic mortality now, and she heard his condescension clearly.

"Tell me, did you ever love me? Did you ever feel anything more than obligation towards me?"

She had to know. She was beyond shyness and fear now, knowing this was her last chance to hear his true answer.

"Of course not. Demons do not love, Y/N Phantomhive. I thought you knew that."

"No, don't try to comfort me. I was foolish to think otherwise."

His footsteps drew closer with each word, and she felt unexpected relief. His answer should have hurt more, but instead, it felt nice to know that he had never truly loved her. 

"Will this hurt, Sebastian?"

"Regretfully, it will. I will be try to be as gentle as possible--"

"No! Be cruel, Sebastian. Be as hard and cruel as you want. Inflict as much as pain as you want." Her order took him by surprise, his blood-red eyes widening in shock. Then his expression darkened into a wicked smile, and he leaned in, his eyes glowing again.

_"Yes, my lady."_

As your eyes fluttered closed for the last time, your last breath was one of relief even as your heart shattered for the very last time.


End file.
